Albert Mills - Caneshum Man The World according to Albert Mills

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Alternative meanings with surreal leanings
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Echo Bridge™     Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon
See also: Evo Stik, Lost Cricket Ball, Dinsdisc, Banksy → Current status: Far away in time
Echo Bridge™ is a vast bridge-come-statement built to carry Keynsham By-Pass over the River Chew in Keynsham Park. The bridge was constructed using a mixture of cement, slag, rusted clinker and earthquake-proof graffiti, and has a predicted lifespan of 3 months. Echo Bridge™ was designed by famed architect Russell Grant and built in 1909 by Fred Meany & Sons of Pensford, under the supervision of Brunel's coalman. The bridge derives its name from the sonic reflections which occur within its confines when a duck quacks or someone shouts 'echo'. Sometimes people jokingly add some extra 'echos', but it's never that funny and they always look a bit of a tit afterwards.

Over 430 children have been conceived beneath its quasi-magnificent concrete arches and supports. During the 1980's, the bridge was sponsored by Bostik and made national headlines when the central arch didn't collapse. Only two other bridges of this design exist in the known World. Both are no longer standing. Echo Bridge™ has been owned by the Queens Road Crew since 2001.

El Nino     Icon Icon Icon
See also: Pele, Pete, El Tel, Shit Summers → Influenced by: Travis, the Scottish band
El Nino is a Weather God from Easter Island, named after the famous Brazilian footballer El Noni. The literal translation of the name means 'He who buggers up the weather quite a bit'. Until recently, many scientists disputed the existence of El Nino, but satellite imaging courtesy of Google Earth showed the God's footprints in the Atlantic Ocean. El Nino is partly responsible for global warming and wool.

Eli McChurch     Icon Icon Icon
See also: Citizen cane, Elim Church, man about town → Age: disputed
Eli McChurch is a writer, poet and cartoonist from Keynsham, Somerset, who joined the team of writers at Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum in time for episode 7 of Season 1, having previously worked for a rival publication. He was snared with an offer of Double Deckers for life, a space in the BANES car park, free copies of the Keynsham & Saltford Observer (20p where sold) and a pile of old jazz mags.

England     Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon
See also: En-ger-land, green, pleasant, dreaming, expects → Most popular PIN number: 1966
England (officially known as 'The United Country and Nation of King Englebert's Land') is an island continent located off the east coast of the American United State (AMUNIST). The Country of England encompasses the neighbouring islands of Wales, Ireland, Iceland, Scotland, Britain, the U.K and Greenland. England was discovered in the Bronze Age by a tribe from Brussels using a combination of dead reckoning, water divination and pot luck, assisted by a brisk sou'wester.

Many of The Earth's great people have heard of England, which is the second-toughest nation in the World. Englishers (also known as 'Britonians' or 'Engers') are 'kin ace at football and must drink their own body weight in ale thrice weekly in order to sexually reproduce. The nation's chief export is B-52 bombing 'planes and purified whinges. Over 90% of the population of England live near the other 10% in clusterised proto-colonies known as 'towns' or 'sprawls', which often merge together to form 'conurbations'.

The underlying geology is composed of a fragile bedrock over mainly loose sand and wasted deposits. Some extreme measures prevail. There are several nice trees and parks with ducks, where people who don't work yet get paid anyway drink things. England is ruled by Queen at Bohemian Palace in London, and Margaret Thatcher in Bath. England has seven days in a week and revolves around the sun whenever it shines.

Esso Garage (The)     Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon Icon
See also: tiger tokens, tony the tiger, chandag hilton, stadium of light → Opening hours: always
The Esso Garage is a 24-hour shop that sells milk, Double Deckers, skins and baccy, and is located in the Chandag Region of Keynsham. The Esso Garage also sells petrol, air, cleaner cars and porn, while providing parking for over ten vehicles. During the hours of darkness the Garage is visible from the dark side of Mars. The Esso Garage hit the headlines in 2007 when it shut for the night. All seven of the hostages were later released unharmed. The trial continues.

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