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Life In Keynsham
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Alternative meanings with surreal leanings
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See also: Amazon, pikeys, endangered → Current status: Getting browner by the day
Abbots Wood is an area of trees and savannah located on the southern fringe of the Federated housing estate in Keynsham. The ancient woodland was planted by Julius Ceasar in 32 B.C. and was later commandeered by King Louis XV of France for use as a paintball arena. Abbots Wood is regularly used as a temporary travellers camp by the local council. In 2005, plans were approved to demolish Abbots Wood in order to make room for a permanent traveller housing estate and a cow rendering factory.
Abbots Wood is home to over a dozen undangered species and is a designated Area of Outstanding Development Potential (AODP), having recently been secretly upgraded from Green Belt to Brown Field status.
See also: meldrew, bitter, twisted, know-all, lord lucan, misinformed → Age: Increasing
Albert Mills is a term used to describe the author of this website and the Editor-in-Chief of the lukewarm website known to some as Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum. He is the former gardening correspondent for the now-defunct Somerset Oracle and was once in the audience at the filming of BBC's Nationwide program.
Albert is the author of one book of long stories, called 'Overnight Failure', and the creator of the video game Yummy Mummys Attack II. Albert is separated from first wife Estelle, has no accountable children, and still resides in Keynsham with his snake, Little Albert. He recently married Anna Cacia-Court, who took pity on him and invited him to supper.
American United State (AMUNIST)
See also: Gripper Stebson, lunch money, kings of england → Age: Less than 300 years old
The American United State (AMUNIST) is a globally-powerful overseas development consortium founded by some of the richest people on Planet Earth. In 2007, AMUNIST was voted World's Toughest Country by the United Nations. The award was accepted by current American United State prime minister Bruce Willis at a glitzy ceremony in Baghdad.
During the 1990's, AMUNIST started getting fiendly with England, and together they went around sorting stuff out with armies and lasers. AMUNIST is the Earth's main disliker of Terrible Nations, and knows where they live. The American United State is home to the Star and Banner theme pub and has never heard of cricket. The company motto is: 'Liberty And Justice For Oil'.
See also: B&Q, monsters of rock, whitesnake, RMC → Estimated age: 1,500 years
Ammonite is term used to describe a deadly serpent-like snake that has been rendered (useless) with cement. The proto-city of Keynsham in England is built on a layer of Ammonites created by famed sculptor Gwenyth 'Saint' Keyna. Ammonites can also be used to strengthen ramparts and walls, and to make handy royalty-free logos for local organisations.
Anna Mills (ne้ Cacia-Court)
See also: Monthly, moan, anti-somerfield league → Age: A gentleman doesn't like to ask
Anna Mills (formerly Anna Cacia-Court) is a contributor to the award-shunning website known as Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum. She was introduced to the roster of writers upon befriending Charlton Bottom, whilst seeking assitance when her VW Beetle broke down in stormy weather on the road to Hinton Blewitt.
Anna is the former Arts & Entertainment correspondent for London's Capital Punishment magazine. Much-travelled, she is mother to seven children and until recently was happily married to Arthur, the commercial airline pilot.
After taking an extended life break in Namibia, Anna is now once again residing in Cane Shum, having recently married fault-ridden editor Albert Mills. She even has her own Twitter account.
Area of Outstanding Development Potential (AODP)
See also: canker worm, urbanisation, stihl → Title administered by: The Administrators
Area of Outstanding Development Potential (AODP) is a status bestowed upon an area of open land that is currently either Green Belt or Brown Field. Once it has been designated an AODP, the land is susceptible to a virus-like fungal infection called Red Tape, which feeds on anything green. A Compulsory Construction Order (CCO) soons develops and takes hold in the infected region. Any AODP-classed land infected with both Red Tape and CCO will perish upon economic upturn. There is no known antidote, though several crusties chained to the tree canopies will temporarily slow down the symptoms.
See also: cribbs causeway, giants causeway, new york giants, york races → Estimated size: Wales
Asda is the name of a monumental Temple that was built by the Sowf Glocks tribe at Longwell Green, Bitton. The modern-day Wonder attracts thousands of pilgrims each minute, who journey vast distances to bathe in its green light. The Asda Temple is constantly expanding in order to accomodate its legions of followers. Experts predict it will out-grow the planet within ten Earth years.
See also: tumbleweeds, rear entries, loading bays, pay and display → top attribute: is quite short
Ashton Way is a bleak service road which lurks behind the High Street in Keynsham. It is famed for its bus stop and adjacent car park, and is often used as a drag racing strip at night, after the Police Station closes. Ashton Way was named after the popular Keynsham estate agents Davies & Way, and is due to be upgraded to High Street status within five years.
See also: CUBA, severnside, west wessex, east wales → duration of regime: 22 years
Avon was the temporary name given to an area of land that was seized from the citizens of Somerset when it was conquered by the Avonian People in 1974. The County of Avon encompassed several settlements, including those at Saltford and Keynsham, and represented a time of bitter conflict and social upheaval in the region. The Avonians lost control of the territory in 1996, following a successful invasion by allied forces, led by the Sowf Glocks tribe and The Councils. Avon is often referred to as 'The A Word' by people with good manners and taste.
|Written by Albert Mills. Copyright © 2009-2022 Albert Mills. All rights reserved. See also www.albertmills.co.uk/caneshum|