"You only got one life, and one life is what you make it."

Wise words. Very wise words, goaded out of the right-honourable Lord Mayor Of Keynsham himself, Mr. J.Bodman, by a posse of pub garden drinkers armed with a camera phone and a YouTube account.

Johnny is the rightful ruler of this hallowed town because he's been here longer than anyone else. By all accounts, he used to own half of it. His coat is literally dripping with hard-fought winners medals.

So, let's thank the good people of The Ship Inn beer garden for capturing this unique insight into what makes Keynsham so damn great.

Remember folks, Keep Keynsham Local. Vote for Johnny.

The past - there's no escaping it. Since the beginning of time, the past has been hanging around like a bad smell, reminding present-day people of stuff that happened.

However, not all of the past is bad. Granted, there have been wars, plagues and councils, but some of the past is actually quite good. No, really, it is.

This short film by local history baron Brizzle Born & Bred shows our beloved town prior to the invasion of the rabid town planners, a time when buildings were made out of stone and roads were places for horses to crap.

Soundtracked by the song 'Keynsham', courtesy of the Bonzo Dog Band, this near-eight-minute slice of digitised nostalgia will remind you of how life in Keynsham used to be. Simple.

Screen 3 is currently still being given a good hoovering and is also having the vomit scraped from the walls.

Having unsuccessfully trawled YouTube for some sort of Keynsham-related gem to fill up Screen 3, the management have decided to close the theatre until further notice.

As soon as someone posts something decent, it'll be featured here. Decent does not mean: pissed persons pretending to be Borat, crazies on powerbikes doing 120mph down the by-pass, people doing 'wicked wheelies' at the BMX park (unless there's a gory ending) or bands trying to plug their latest 'single'.

Surely there's someone in Keynsham with a camera and half an idea. Surely?