Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum - In A Field Of Their Own - www.albertmills.co.uk/caneshum

The long arm of the property developer has once again reached in to Keynsham and poked another of it's eyes out. An ever-changing population pyramid has prompted the need to build more homes for the elderly, while, conversely, our primary schools are all but empty as the number of children in the town plummets. Presumably, it's this shortage of kids that's to blame for the loss of another playing field.

A famous punk rocker once sang; "All the power's in the hands of the people rich enough to buy it" - a saying that applies to Keynsham more than ever. The land barons are selling the very heart of this town piece by piece in order to make a fast buck and a shite estate. It's only a matter of time until all our green fields are exhausted by rich persons' properties and ill-fitting factories.

Even the Town Hall is falling apart

Mankind's need to mess about with breeze blocks and poorly-mixed blue circle cement is also making an impact in the town's built-up areas. Everywhere you look, jumped-up DIY'ers are turning Keynsham's past into a garish mismatch of piss-poor town houses. One concerned resident told us: "I'm a very concerned resident. Not about the new houses or anything, it's just that me little 'un just called I on the moby and said he's set the chip pan on fire."

An un-named council worker told us: "My Muh might not of give I a name, but she did tell I that it'll all end in tears. The town that is, not me no-name, like." Other worried insiders have expressed their concerns over the poor design quality that appears to be prevalent in the region, with one stating: "Why build one house with a garden when you can fit two houses in with crap balconies? Why match the materials with that of the 'old' town when you can get a job lot of 'baby poo brown' house bricks at Jewson's dead cheap?"

So, it would appear that the idiom by which local planners operate is one of "If it ain't broke, fix it anyway." As far as town planning goes, they don't do a lot of it. One thing's for sure - it'll be the town's older buildings - the church, the hospital, the Ship Inn, etc - that will be left standing long after the modern rubbish has crumbled and returned to the earth. Oh, and Harriet's Yard too - that looks pretty damn sturdy to me. Albert Mills