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COULD 'DIS BE CANE SHUM - A FEW WORDS
Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum is published on the first of every month as a means of squeezing the town's humour gland via the dark and shady world that has come to be known as 'cyberspace'. The website was inspired by the much-funnier That Be Bristle site, the writers of which will probably come looking for us once they see this. Our only defence is that we wanted to create something similar, aimed purely at Keynsham and it's peculiar ways. We're not out to shock and offend, but if we happen to touch on a few raw nerves, well that's just the sound of free speech.
Keynsham is a small commuter town situated midway between the cities of Bath and Bristol on the confluence of the rivers Chew and Avon, with a population of around 16,000 people. The town was occupied by the Romans until 410 a.d., evidence of which can be found near the train station in the form of a pile of rocks, which allegedly used to be a garrison. The name 'Keynsham' is derived from St Keyna, who, according to legend, turned a bunch of arrogant snakes into stone, many of which can now be seen in the town's walls and buildings, in place of more-expensive bricks.
Nowadays the town is occupied by the famous Cadbury's factory at Somerdale, where our favourite 'Double Deckers' are still made to this day. When the wind blows from the North West the town is filled with the aroma of chocolate. Nice! In 1968, following exceptional summer rain, a Great Flood™ washed away a few bridges and messed up the park for a bit. Some bloke on the radio used to spell out the word 'Keynsham' a lot whilst selling something to do with the football pools. And Marcus Trescothick used to play cricket here, quite well by all accounts.
Keynsham has two comprehensive schools - Broadlands and Wellsway - and a by-pass, the view from which is usually all that most non-Keynsham-ites ever see of the town. The Bonzo Dog Band released an album called 'Keynsham' on which they sang about the 'Thermometer Zoo' and other strange, possibly-drug-induced happenings. The singer from Portishead (Beth Gibbons) was born here, and Leslie Crowther used to do his shopping in the town's High Street, mainly because in those days the price was indeed right. Oh, and Pete Budd from The Wurzels used to run a fishing tackle shop here too.
Anyway, enough about Keynsham and more about us... Below you will find information about the people who write this could-be-funnier excuse for a website. Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum is intended to be a satirical, unorthodox view of the town through the eyes of Keynsham people with nothing better to do. If we have caused offence then we are sorry - we're just having a laugh that's all... Mellow out!
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ALBERT MILLS
FORMER GARDENING correspondent for the now-defunct 'Somerset Oracle', Albert is one of the two founding editors of this fabled tome. His claim to fame is that he was once in the audience at the filming of BBC's 'Nationwide' program, an accolade which alone was enough to land him the job at Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum. He is the author of one book, 'Overnight Failure', and is separated from wife Estelle, with no accountable children. MORE
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CHARLTON BOTTOM
CHARLTON BOTTOM once famously claimed, improbably, to have been present when the Romans were last in the town, and is the website's other founding editor. A former member of 70's glam rock band The Mutz Nutz, Charlton began his journalistic career as a stringer for the lowly 'Ubley Gazette', during which time he covered the story of the infamous Cider Drought of 1985. He has four children and is blissfully married to his beloved wife of 15 years, Rosy.
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ANNA CACIA-COURT
THE DELIGHTFUL Anna was the first writer to be recruited to the team after she knocked on Charlton's door late one night to ask for assistance with her broken down VW Beetle. The former Arts & Entertainment correspondent for London's 'Capital Punishment' magazine, Ms Cacia-Court has been resident in the town for over a decade. Much-travelled, Anna is mother to six children and is happily married to Arthur, a commercial airline pilot.
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THE MONTHLY MOAN
Who, what or where is in the firing line this month? Is it Henry, the mild-mannered janitor? Could be...
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AL-SAHAF IN KEYNSHAM
Continuing (well, actually, commencing) our regular cartoon featuring outpourings from none other than the former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf as he travels the lands of Keynsham.
MORE
KEYNSHAM WEB CAM
See our up-to-the-second webcam which is currently situated on the Town Hall in the centre of town.
VIEW IT
WEATHER FORECAST
Check out the lastest Wet Office advance weather forecast for the Keynsham region.
VIEW WEATHER
SPLEEN VENTING
"I 'ave just read that Keynsham Town Plan thing what was put through the door just the other day. They reckons it's 'Your vision for our town' but if you ask me it's 'Our vision for your town'..." Just a sample quote from our postbag this month.
READ MORE LETTERS
MERCHANDISE
Launching our exclusive range of Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum T-shirts. Don't be seen not dead in one.
BUY STUFF
KEYNSHAM IS ACE!
We love Keynsham! If you need reminding,
CLICK HERE
WHO ARE YA?
Each edition, we'll be asking for a specific, currently unknown individual to come forward and confess to the townsfolk. This month: Step forward if you will, the person, or persons, responsible for putting traffic cones on the signposts outside the old cinema. You funny people!
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Could 'Dis Be Cane Shum 