"As Christmas approaches, it's worth noting that the weather never takes a break. In fact, since the craze of betting on a white Christmas took hold - inspired by the Bing Crosby song - the good old elements have had their work cut out for them during the season of good will, much like Santa Claus himself. The traditional snowy Christmas is a thing of the past now that global warming has been invented, but hapless gamblers still insist on there being a solitary flake of snow landing on the Town Hall roof while Mum gets the turkey ready and Gran sleeps off the Brandy.

Ever since mankind commenced felling Wales-sized areas of trees in a quest for better furniture, the weather has been on the change. Only last year the infamous El Nino weather system caused havoc when unseasonal rains hit the Wimbledon tennis finals. Other places have experienced hail storms and deadly yellow ice, while some unfortunate areas of the West Country have been exposed to mind-expanding, smoke-like fog, all largely thanks to people's desire to make things out of wood.

So with that in mind, the prediction for December makes sad reading for those intending to bet the family silverwear on a dose of Yultide precipitation. Say it quietly within earshot of a gambler, but the last time snow fell on the 25th in Keynsham was the year 1679. Ladbrokes are set to make another mint this year. Our CFC-enhanced atmosphere is set to bring warm sunshine and muggy nights this coming Christmas. Barbequed turkey anyone?" Albert Mills